Lover Boy
by bevino
Summary: It's about that feeling that is so hard to understand. About the hope, and the thought when the feelings starts to grow. About confessing when it seems that life itself is against it and about the hard times you can have when you're in love. AU.
1. Feeling

**Lover Boy**

_Chapter 1: Feeling_

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><p><em>You see a room filled with people. You don't know many of them, but these are the people that will be a part of your life in one way or another. It's the cashier from the place you sometimes buy your food and there's the woman who will lie next to you in the hospital, when you're old and your hip is broken. And it's the people that are close to you, the people you love and care for. When you see this room, you will be surprised how many people you interact with. You can't count them. <em>

_What would you do if you knew who those people would be, even though you never met them? _

_We zoom in, and there you are. You know who you are, you know that face. Sometimes you're sick of it, but most of the days you don't even think about it. You have your faults but you are also kind of great. Really great, some will think. _

_One who will someday think that is the boy over there. You see him? The one with the dark hair. I can see you don't believe me, but it's true. One could think he's the complete opposite of you, but you two are more alike than you can imagine. But that's for later, first you will fall in love. _

_You see that girl over there? And that red-headed boy? Take a close look at them; they will play a part in your life. _

_Everyone will._

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><p>He was awakened by his own snores.<p>

He was laying on the sofa in his living room, the TV was still on showing some lame British cooking show, and he was drowning in sweat. He slowly opened the shirt he was wearing and released a content sigh when cool air hit his skin. His throat was dry and he swallowed a few times and licked his lips. It was nice, waking up like this, alone and numbed with sleep. He was warm.

He closed his eyes again and covered his eyes with his arm, putting it over his face and blocking out the light. It was early spring, and he wasn't yet used to the light this time of the day. Just weeks ago it would be pitch dark, and he would've been able to go back to sleep again. He sighed and sat up on the sofa, scratching the side of his head as he yawned loudly. He shut off the TV and made his way to the kitchen, scrunching his face when he felt the dirty floor underneath his naked feet. Crumbs stuck and he walked in something sticky which he cleaned off by rubbing his foot into the kitchen carpet. He opened the hollow refrigerator and drank from the last milk carton, some of it dribbling down his chin and neck. He put the carton back and wiped himself off.

He remained in the kitchen for a while. He wasn't sure how much time passed, but he was satisfied with just standing there, doing nothing. Feeling his body cool down, hearing his slow breathing underneath the sound of the clock. He inhaled and let out a sigh, not really troubled by anything but in the need to release _something_. Naruto smiled with small force and decided that he surely still was too tired to do anything today, and went to bed early.

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><p>He could see Sasuke from his hiding on the rooftop. He could actually see a lot from there, but somehow it was always Sasuke that his eyes sought out.<p>

Sasuke wasn't even anything special, at this distance. If Naruto hadn't known his looks so well, he would've never known it was him. Sasuke was currently playing soccer – the outside activities had started uncomfortably early this year - and he was faster than anyone on the court. Naruto wondered if he would ever be able to keep up with Sasuke, but he doubted it.

It wasn't like he would get a chance to try either.

The wind ruffled his hair and he closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling. It was still cold outside, but a brave sun warmed the earth and air so it was still pleasant to be outside. It smelled like spring, a fresh smell with a tint of flowers and snow. The cold air was pleasant against his eyelids, cooling his tired eyes though the thin layer of skin. He couldn't restrain from smiling. He remembered something and dug deep into his pocket and found some candy he'd been given by Gaara the day before. He sucked one into his mouth, enjoying the sweet bit against his tongue. He returned to watching Sasuke again, who now was talking to his teacher. He nodded a few times before he ran back to the field, and Naruto tilted his head as he watched the bouncing man. He leaned his head on his hand and looked up to the sky, not knowing what to think of himself. Naruto smiled faintly and stretched, putting his arms high in the sky.

"Oy!" Naruto's head snapped towards the voice, and saw the gym teacher looking at him from the ground. The teacher held one of his hands over his eyes to block the sun, but there was no mistake that he had seen Naruto ditching class on the rooftop. Sometimes, Naruto damned his blond hair that made him so easy to spot. The teacher waved him down, and Naruto knew better than trying to get away. He dragged his feet as he walked inside again, slowly taking the stairs to the first floor, and he wondered what the punishment would be this time.

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><p>Naruto wondered why he hadn't been himself those last couple of weeks. Everything about him just felt odd, and he couldn't put the finger on it. It wasn't like something had changed, not really.<p>

Perhaps he was just more aware of himself.

Sometimes it felt like he could feel every particle of his body, the clothes he wore and the way he held himself. He was aware of the way others looked at him, or didn't look at him; why did they look and why didn't they? Was something wrong with him?

Well, of course it was. It had always been, but it had never been a problem, at least not like this. Before, he hadn't cared at all.

Sasuke had a brother, an older one. He also had a father and a mother as far as Naruto knew, but he had only seen the older brother. They looked a lot like each other, though the older one looked more worn out. He had seen them together once when Sasuke had been picked up after school, and even though they had been arguing Naruto could still see some sort of love between them.

Gaara too had siblings, one older brother and one older sister. He'd seen them during some school-event once, but he didn't know more because Gaara never talked about them. Gaara and he just didn't talk about that sort of things – they barley talked at all.

Thinking of what a family would feel like wasn't any unusual. Something most other people had but Naruto. Naruto wondered if he would've played basketball with his sibling if he had had one. He dropped the ball and it bounced towards the entrance. Naruto made no immediate move to catch it; he just watched it as it began rolling and then stopping in front of a pair of left-behind shoes. Naruto sighed and continued to clean up the gym. The echoing sound of his own movements soothed him at the same time they reminded him that he was alone. He started some music and put the earphones in, and the soft thumping of drums filled his head along with some strings and piano. His mouth moved together with the lyrics and it wasn't until the third song ended that he noticed Sasuke holding the ball within his hands and wearing the neglected shoes. Naruto tried his best to ignore him and continue with his ministrations, but god was he aware of the other boy in the room.

Sasuke said something, and Naruto wanted to die. He wasn't sure what one was supposed to do in a situation like this. Hell, he wasn't even sure what the situation was or why he was feeling this way. Completely awareness filled his whole being, and the faint wind that caressed his arm as Sasuke passed him swiftly made him shudder. Sasuke threw the ball in the net with grace and he jogged towards it and bounced it a couple of times before keeping it in his hands. His mouth moved, but Naruto didn't hear a thing and it wasn't because of the music.

Why was his heart beating so fast?

The ball came flying towards him before he had time to reflect, and he caught it somewhat unguarded. He looked at it dumbly and then at Sasuke, who stood in defense position with the basked behind his back.

Naruto had never sucked as much at basketball as he did this time. He dropped the ball, he missed the net, and Sasuke stole it from him more times that he cared to count. But it was fun. It was the most fun he had had in a long time, and even though he was so nervous that his hands shook he still felt great. It was embarrassing though, having his ass kicked by Sasuke like this, especially since he knew he could do a lot better normally. But everything was worthwhile, because now and then his body would brush against Sasuke's, or they hands meet briefly as Sasuke stole the ball. Every time something flared inside Naruto's belly.

Sasuke won, not surprisingly. Naruto felt heat gather in his face as a superior smirk graced Sasuke's lips. He pulled the earphones from his ears and pushed them down his pockets.

"I think you have to train…a lot," Sasuke said, pressing the ball between his hands. Naruto felt like pouting, and he crossed his arms in an attempt to look…well, cool.

"I was not really in the mood for playing today, that's it. Next time…" Naruto held his tongue before he said something more.

"Next time I will beat your ass like I did this time," Sasuke continued his sentence and threw the ball at Naruto. Naruto missed it and it went all across the gym. Damn his shaking hands. He felt a hand on his shoulder quickly, and then Sasuke was walking out of the gym with a small wave.

Naruto breathed out, relaxing his shoulders. Sasuke had said there would be a next time, but Naruto didn't hope for much. Sasuke was Sasuke and he was Naruto, and that was it. Sasuke was popular, good-looking, dating the most popular and (what Naruto had heard) the most beautiful girl in the school and he was born in a wealthy family. He was what Naruto wasn't.

He finished in the gym quickly and carelessly before hurrying out of the door. He walked over the school-yard through the drizzle leaving the sky, wishing he was already home so he could shut the rest of the world out and forget about everything. After making a turn around the building, he stopped in his tracks and watched. The car owned by Sasuke's brother was parked in front, and he could see Sasuke walking promptly towards it, his girlfriend walking next to him, watching Sasuke with every step. Through the window he could see Sasuke's brother behind the steering wheel. Sasuke's hair was slightly wet from the rain, but he still looked as stunning as he had done in the gym. He looked down in the ground, biting his bottom lip, and in the corner of his eyes he could see the car drive away.

Sometimes he wondered if it was alright to cry for something he never had.

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><p><em>To be continued<em>

This fanfiction will be in **5 parts**, and this is somewhat a slow start. It will be drama, romance and angst - and of course NaruSasu/SasuNaru! I hope you will like it, because I'm really pouring my soul into this...!

Reviews make me really happy, so push that button down there!

Thank you for reading!

/bevino


	2. Hope

Lover Boy

_Chapter 2: Hope_

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><p>One of the crappiest places in the classroom was in the middle of the room. The window line was the best, because then he had something to look at. The row along the wall wasn't bad either, because then he only had three people around him. Sitting in the back was nice since he could see everyone in the room, and the seat in the front row was nice because then he could see none. Sitting in the middle was the crappiest, and Naruto tried to cover his ears with his arms as he leaned over his desk. Everywhere around him people were laughing, talking, bothering. He knew they were having a good time, but the feeling of being lonely just got to him stronger when he was so obviously not a part of it.<p>

His nose was pressed hard into the wood. He could feel it starting to hurt, and knew it was going to turn numb soon. The edge of the desk dug into his chest, and his ankles leaned against the hard steel of the legs, pressing into the bone underneath his flesh. It was nice. Gaara was sitting quiet next to him as usual, but sometimes he could hear him shift and feel Gaara's foot against his own.

The teacher was late, probably still being in the teacher's room drinking coffee. The volume of the voices suddenly lowered, and the only one still being heard was the one of Sasuke's girlfriend. Everyone was listening to her, but Naruto tried to tune out the words she was saying but in vain.

"Sasuke is with his family abroad at the moment, oh, I forgot the place! It was something to do with the business again, his father is sooo boring… I was supposed to follow, but, well, you know… but I'm okay, it wasn't something I was looking forward to, Sasuke would probably only be in meeting anyway, I just can't understand why his father has to have them both with them, isn't Itachi enough? Hahahah, but I'm great really, with Sasuke and everything… of course I'm sad, but I will be fine – there's plenty men out there, right!" At her final words, some of the boys in the class began whisper, hope dripping in their voices.

"What are you doing?" Naruto turned to Gaara, and realized that he was sitting straight up in the chair after listening to what the girl had said. Gaara watched him with indifference, but he could tell he was annoyed. Gaara was often annoyed by thing, so this wasn't anything new. Still, Naruto felt his face heat up and heard his heart loudly in his ears.

"Nothing," he tried to say nonchalantly and turned his head in another direction. He could feel Gaara's eyes burning holes in the back of his neck, and he closed his eyes tightly, wishing that Gaara wouldn't ask more.

"You like Sakura?"

Damn, damn. Damn Gaara, for misunderstanding something even Naruto didn't understand, damn Gaara for saying things like that in the middle of the classroom. He breathed for a second or two and when he opened his eyes, he saw the mentioned girl looking at him with big green eyes and surprised o-shaped pink lips. Suddenly someone began to giggle, but other than that it was quiet. Naruto didn't know what he was going to do. Sure, he could deny it, but knowing Gaara he would soon ask him something even more embarrassing. He couldn't really say yes either, since it wasn't true and he really didn't want to have anything to do with Sakura. The blood pumped rapidly in his veins, and he turned to his last resort and packed his books and left the classroom without a word.

Naruto felt like the air had stuck in his lungs, and he quickly made his way outside. Finally outside, he stopped and took several deep breaths, watching the sky. Someone opened the door behind him, and Gaara walked up to his side.

"You handled that nicely enough," he smirked. Naruto felt anger well up inside of him. Why Gaara continued to torture him like this he would never understand.

"You just could've asked me when we were alone you know," he gritted out, clenching his fists. Gaara snorted and didn't answer. Naruto pushed him in the shoulder, and Gaara hit him in the face before walking away without a word. Naruto rolled his tongue inside his mouth, feeling the blood swirl around. He spit it out, and heard an inhale behind him.

Sakura stood behind him, clenching the straps on her schoolbag in her hand. He wondered if that was the reason Gaara just walked away was because he'd seen Sakura. He collected some more blood in his mouth before spitting again and grabbed his bag and began walking away. He heard the sound of slow running behind him, and he stopped and turned around. Naruto hadn't been expecting this. He had guessed Sakura would've been so disturbed by the idea that he liked her that she would be happy if he ignored the whole thing. But no, here she stood, looking up with him with a strong face.

"I'm sorry, but I can't return your feelings, Naruto." He was surprised she even knew his name. This was awkward, and he rubbed the back of his neck embarrassedly. "But thank you for liking me," she continued. "I will cherish your feelings." He wondered how many times she had received confessions, because she didn't seem to find it hard to know what to say. He felt a smile tug on his lips, and wondered briefly if he should confess to her. He had already been turned down, so nothing more could really happen after this.

"Thank you," he said. "Have a good day, Sakura." Sakura smiled and waved before she went back into school. Naruto skipped the rest of the day.

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><p>Sasuke returned after two weeks. Naruto had stopped in his tracks as he watched the broad back of the Uchiha disappear in the main entrance, and as enchanted Naruto followed him all the way up to the third-year student's corridor. He quickly made his way back, bumping into Gaara at the end of the steps. Gaara looked as indifferent as always.<p>

When class started, Naruto started daydreaming. A silly side of him had made up scenarios about Sasuke's returning. He had imagined that they would meet somewhere in the school – a corridor, the yard, the gym, the cafeteria – and that Sasuke would say hello to him and great him with a big smile. The variations were endless. Now, Naruto knew this was only daydreaming since he'd never seen Sasuke form his mouth in another shape than a smirk or a snarl. He also knew that there was no chance that Sasuke would actually remember who he was. To Sasuke, Naruto was just some left-behind second-year student who was being punished for skipping class.

A foot connected with the leg of his chair, and he was jolted from his thoughts. The teacher, Iruka, was standing next to him with that annoying worried expression again.

"Naruto, please stay behind after class." Naruto merely nodded. When the class was over, Naruto walked up to the teacher. Iruka gathered some papers, shuffling them around as if winning some time. After some moments he seemed ready and looked up at Naruto from the seat behind the desk. "Your grades are dropping again, Naruto. I know you've had a hard time, but education is something very im-"

"Very important, I know Iruka," Naruto filled in. "I've… I haven't been myself lately, I'm sorry." Iruka shook his head.

"It's not me you should apologize to. This is your future and I only want your best." Naruto knew that. Iruka had taken him under his wings when Naruto had started, because he could relate to Naruto's situation. Iruka has once told him that his parents had died when he was a small child, and that he too had been placed in a foster home. Now, foster home and orphanage wasn't the same thing, but he knew the pain of growing up without his parents.

"I will try harder, Iruka. Thank you." Naruto smiled assuring before leaving the room. He liked Iruka, he really did. But what could he tell Iruka? The awareness surrounding him and that his mind always seemed to drift to Sasuke? How could he explain something that he didn't understand himself?

He had to gather himself, try to get back on track again. He knew he couldn't afford to drop behind, school was hard enough.

Naruto picked up his music player and listened to the first song playing. The sun was shining, warming his face pleasantly. He could feel gravel underneath his shoes which soles weren't all that thick. The grass was nice to walk it, even though it was still slightly wet from yesterday's rain; unconsciously he lifted his feet higher when he walked in it and his legs felt like when he was small. Some flowers were already breaking their way from the ground, and he smiled when he saw a lonely brimstone butterfly. It distracted him to the point when he slipped in the grass, his music player disconnecting from his ears as it flew some feet ahead of him.

"Fuck," he whispered, groaning as he felt water and mud soak through his clothes. He slowly got up, as the damage was already done and stumbled towards the item resting in the grass. He picked it up and cleaned it off using his t-shirt.

"But Sasuke, I don't understand! I thought… I though you liked me!" The high-pitched voice startled him, and he placed his hand over his heart in an attempt to calm it down. He looked around, apparently he was at the gym, but he saw neither Sasuke nor Sakura (easily worked out). He peered around the building and there they were. Sakura was clenching her hands tightly, and she had tears in her eyes. Sasuke was looking directly at her, seeming calm but by the stance Naruto could see he was tense as well.

"I do, did," Sasuke quickly corrected himself. "Sakura, just accept that I do no longer care for you in that way." The words seemed to break Sakura, and she began sobbing uncontrollably. This was the exact opposite of the way she had carried herself in the classroom two weeks ago. He wondered how hard it had been for her saying those things when she was clearly so upset. But Naruto didn't have any time to think further into it, because before he knew it Sakura was on-top of him, pushing him down into the wet grass. She looked surprised - and he guessed that he was mirroring her expression – but she was still crying. Her body and was soft against his, and he relished the feeling of another human's body so close to his. Naruto brought one hand to her cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear.

"Are you alright?" Her eyebrows furrowed and she started to shake her head. He didn't know if it was out of denial or if she just couldn't comprehend what was happening. She didn't answer him however; she pushed herself off of him and continued to run away from the scene. Naruto remained in the grass. At least _now_ he couldn't get any wetter. He watched as Sasuke walked up to him, looking down at him with a frown. "Sorry," Naruto said. "I didn't mean to interrupt." Sasuke offered his hand and Naruto took it. This time they hands didn't only brush against each other, this time the contact was much firmer, constant and intentional. Sasuke's hand was warm and dry, and he could feel Sasuke's muscles work as he helped Naruto stand. The hand lingered inside his for some moments before Sasuke withdrew it. He was looking at Naruto with confusion written in his face. Naruto realized that he was blushing madly, and he drew a hand through his hair before rubbing his neck.

He was dirty; his once white t-shirt was now covered in brown and green stains and his light jeans weren't better off.

"Naruto, is it?" Sasuke suddenly asked. Naruto had no idea how Sasuke knew his name, but he nodded dumbly. Sasuke sighed and leaned against the building. "You didn't interrupt, Sakura and I are finished. Now I only have to get her to understand that." Naruto felt utterly out of place. He had never been in a relationship and he had no idea what he was going to say, certainly not to the guy of his interest either. Sasuke took his silence as an answer and pushed himself off the wall. "It's none of your business, I won't bother." Naruto didn't like being snarled at, especially when he had done nothing wrong (except from eavesdropping). But instead of arguing, he grabbed Sasuke's arm - perhaps a little too hard - as Sasuke began to walk past him.

"You're not bothering." His eyes met Sasuke's, and saw that Sasuke's eyes were very dark brown. Sasuke smirked at him and Naruto could see something grateful hidden within it.

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><p>When Naruto went to sleep that night, he noticed that he felt better than in a long time. It felt as if he had been a circle being pushed down in a square-shaped hole, and now someone had put him through the right hole. He felt happy and content, and something was bubbling inside of his stomach. Tomorrow, he would start from scratch. He would take Iruka's advice and work harder, and he would talk to Gaara, because he couldn't help but to feel that something was off between them.<p>

Naruto pulled his blanket close to his chin and smiled. Tomorrow was going to turn out great.

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><p><em>To be continued<em>

Second part up, and I am currently writing the third part (thought it will not be finished quite yet)! I am guessing you've realized by now what kind of fic this is; much thinking and feeling but not so much action. I try to catch the whole feeling of being in love and all the emotions around it, and I hope you think that I'm doing a good job.

Thank you for reading, and don't forget to** review**!

/bevino


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